I got pregnant for my fifth baby when my son was just four months old, and I had not yet resumed my periods, so I wasn’t sure exactly when to expect the baby. I wasn’t happy about being pregnant and seriously considered termination. I went to a clinic seeking an abortion and left without one, having seen my child’s tiny beating heart on the ultrasound screen. The clinic was very understanding and did not try to convince me to terminate. They gave me resources for parenting and adoption, along with a big bottle of prenatal vitamins and a shiny, grainy picture of my unborn baby, with a due date of October 7, 2009.
My first four babies had been induced in the hospital. I had felt that all control had been wrenched from me the minute I hired the obstetrician. So I decided that since I couldn’t plan the pregnancy, I was going to plan the birth. I was going to do it my way, no matter what anyone else said.
So I hired my wonderful midwife when I was in the beginning of my second trimester. At my first appointment she examined me thoroughly and changed my due date. She believed the baby would come around the 19th, not the 7th.
Fast forward to October 2009. The birth kit was assembled, the baby clothes were folded, the diapers were washed and stacked. Even though I had not had a 20 week ultrasound, I just knew my baby was going to be a girl. I didn’t wash or prepare anything blue, because I knew I was having a girl. I chose a white kimono, white diaper cover, and a tiny pink hat for the birth kit. And then I waited.
As the due date drew closer, I became more and more anxious. I strongly felt that the baby would come quickly, and I was terrified that my husband, who worked second shift, wouldn’t make it home when it was time. I had strong, regular contractions starting around 37 weeks. With each contraction, I practiced complete perineal relaxation – like a reverse Kegel. These constant contractions were so tiring, and put me on edge, waiting for “the real deal.” I worried that I wouldn’t know when labor really started, and that once I realized what was going on, it would be too late, and I would deliver unassisted.
So in the days before the birth, my husband stayed home from work. We spent those days arranging our home (we had just moved a month or so before) and going for long drives in the country. I continued to have contractions regularly, and I continued to practice complete relaxation of my belly and groin. I took lots of warm baths and talked to my online friends, complaining that my baby would never be born.
A week after my due date, I saw my midwife because I didn’t feel well. She asked if perhaps I should see a doctor, and I said no. I didn’t feel sick, I just didn’t feel good either. I felt strange. I asked for a cervical examination and was surprised to learn that I was dilated to 5 centimeters and nearly 100% effaced, with my waters bulging. The baby was very low, but not “dropped,” he or she could still easily move up and away from the birth canal.
The next day, October 27th, dawned bright and sunny. This was such a welcome relief after weeks of endless dreariness and rain. The autumn leaves were bright in the sunshine, and as I lay in bed looking out the window, I rubbed my belly, asking the baby to please come out and see the beautiful world. When I got out of bed, I felt an odd shift downward, and I could tell that the baby had “dropped.” This was a surprising sensation – I had never felt that with my other children. I used the bathroom and had copious amounts of pink mucusy show. I knew in my heart that today would be my baby’s birthday, but I didn’t tell anyone. It felt like a delicious secret between me and the baby
We went to the fabric store and I bought material to make the baby a hat. I remember riding home, feeling that the world was beautiful and life was beautiful and everything was amazingly perfect.
Around seven that evening, my grandma called to see if there was any progress. I told her that I wasn’t sure, but I definitely wasn’t in any pain, so probably not tonight. I was starting to feel a little discouraged, because I had been so sure that the baby would be coming. All of my other babies, having been induced, had been born in the early afternoon. I assumed that this fifth baby would be the same, and so when evening rolled around and no baby arrived, I was disappointed and restless.
I decided there was nothing to do but have a snack and go to bed. I got in bed really, early, around 8:30pm, and watched a game show. I remember feeling contractions every two or three minutes, but they never felt painful. They felt tight and hard, and I could feel my cervix sting as it stretched open, but it never really hurt.
My husband’s daughter from his first marriage called around that time, and he talked to her for awhile. Then he talked to his former wife about when their daughter would be visiting us. Around 9:00pm, I stood up and announced that if he didn’t get off the phone, I was leaving. “Here I am, having contractions, and you’re on the phone with your ex!”
My poor husband was caught completely off guard, because I had never made any noise or faces indicating that I was having contractions. He hurriedly got off the phone and followed me down to the bathroom, where I had started to run a bath. He thought we should call the midwife; I told him not to because it didn’t hurt. By this time I had started to vocalize at the very peak of my contractions, but not due to the pain. I was welcoming the contractions, observing the sensations and allowing myself to relax and truly feel my body open. My husband called the midwife.
She arrived around 9:45pm. Sometime between him calling and her arrival, I called my doula, but told her I wasn’t really sure. My contractions weren’t painful, so they couldn’t possibly be the real deal.
When the midwife got to my house, I was lying on my bed with my bottom in the air, instinctively. It just felt good to be in that position. Now the contractions were harder, but still not painful. If I laid on my back, my whole pelvis would start to ache, so I made sure not to lay on my back. I didn’t hear the midiwfe come in, but I smelled her perfume. She brought an air of calm to the environment that I hadn’t even realized was missing. She put her cool hands on my bare back and said, “This is it – it’s time for your baby to be born.”
She asked if she could check my cervix, and I agreed, so I rolled over onto my back. She checked me and found that my cervix was open 6 centimeters and 100% effaced. As she checked, my waters broke. It was such an odd sensation to feel them burst spontaneously; I had never experienced that with my four other children.
Suddenly, I jumped up and tucked my towel between my legs, and ran down the stairs. My poor midwife had to act fast – she grabbed her instruments and gloves and ran down the stairs after me. I got to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. It felt cold, and that felt really good. The midwife sat on the floor in front of me, gently touching my belly, and then sometimes touching my legs or hands with a firmer touch to help me stay connected.
It was now around 10:15pm. I sat on that toilet watching my belly arc up and then down, never feeling pain, but realizing that birth was imminent. My legs shook and my body started bearing down without my control; the muscles I was using felt very similar to throwing up. Suddenly, the midwife said “Stand up!” So I did, and out popped my baby’s head!!
Two minutes later the rest of the body slithered out – just in time for my husband to come into the bathroom! I didn’t even realize that he wasn’t there! I sat down and took my baby in my arms. The birth kit was upstairs, so we used regular towels to wipe the baby’s face. I didn’t think to check the gender, but a few moments later, my older girls (ages 8 and 5) came into the bathroom to see. They peeked between the legs and shouted joyously IT’S A BOY!!!
I was shocked that the baby was a boy; I was even more shocked when we weighed him a few minutes later and discovered that he weighed 10 pounds, 6 ounces. The time of birth was 10:27pm – I can’t tell you when exactly labor began, but I can say that it was 100% painless from start to finish, and how unbelievably grateful I am that I chose not to terminate my beautiful son’s life.
– Rose, mama and doula, birth artist and breastfeeding activist
Inspiring Birth Stories 