To “A”

What a beautiful and majestic warrior you are! I am in awe of you. I was blessed to have met you, to have given you my meager offerings of thought and prose, talismans and tinctures for your journey.

Some may think that a birth journey begins at the onset of labor. But you know, and I know, the journey begins long before that.

Early on in your pregnancy, you packed your bag, put on your hiking shoes, and, asking your partner for his ever-present companionship in the journey, stepped out of your home. You had a particular destination in mind, one that every ripe and full woman has, but found that, the further from home you journeyed, the more your travels required of you.

Chance meetings with other journeyers, forks in the road, detours, Inns, and even temptations to take a carriage ride to your destination all met you, moving in and out of your travels like whispers on your conscience.

And in the midst of this, you began to transform. Your calves became chiseled, your forearms became etched. The fiery red hair that crowns your brow became more lustrous with the wisdom that was placed on your mantel and your breasts swelled with the passion and purity you had buried deep in your bosom.

When, at wisdom’s Time, you came to the Gates, you threw them open with only a moment’s hesitation and walked boldly forward… and down…

It was a hard descent, a raw, emotional, searing, and mid-blowing descent; but you faced each challenge stoically and resolutely – with a pure and unabashed bravery the likes of which I have seen few times in my life.

There were tears.. there was anger and frustration, joy and disbelief.

And there was casting off…

You cast off your talismans, pulled back your hair, and rent your breasts in the power of your Time. The map was cast aside and you were stripped of your glorious garments.

And in a space, in a breath, you were more beautiful and strong then, naked and pure, bruised, vulnerable, and shaken, but strong and able and so wise…

And in your quiet understanding – the communion you shared with your womb – an intimate knowledge, you found peace….

I saw something in you at that moment that will haunt and humble me from this day forward… you had arrived. I witnessed the moment you arrived at the atom, the core, the infinite finite of your souls antapex.

Your decent was over, but your journey was not – and in quiet determination, you brought your eyes to mine and nodded. Once…
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And began to ascend…

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Sweet, Sweet Benjamin

Thank you, Terra, for sharing this beautiful VBAC story!

I’d been having contractions off and on for about a week before the “big day.” Thursday (8-14) I woke up to Keaton (15 months) crying out around 345am. I went to the bathroom and came back to bed. After laying there for about 20 minutes or so, I realized that I had had 3 real, intense contractions. I looked at the clock and saw that it was only 405am. I waited until 420 (and 2 more contractions later) before telling Zach (husband). The contractions were very short (15-20 seconds) but coming every 6 minutes. I called my mom to see if she could come down and help with Keaton (knowing if it wasn’t that day it would be the next!) She agreed and got to work getting ready & heading down. I called my midwife to ask how long they needed to be (I knew they needed to last longer than 15 seconds!) and she asked me to wait until they were 60-90 seconds long.

Throughout the morning, the contractions stayed fairly regular, but after lunch, they “fizzled” out and became very sporadic. I talked with our doula, Faye, and she suggested I call my chiro and see if she could get things going again. I made an appointment for 430pm and Zach went with me. A good thing, too. Basically, as soon as she was done adjusting me, my contractions picked back up to 5 minutes apart and started to get a little longer (30-45 seconds) and even more intense.

We headed home with dinner and my contractions continued throughout dinner. I got a shower and they still continued. I called Faye and she encouraged me to rest, rest, rest. After a couple more hours, they were lasting between 45-60 seconds with a couple lasting closer to 90. I called the midwife she asked me to wait just a bit longer. I was getting antsy! I really didn’t want to be laboring at the hospital, but I wanted to be there SHOULD something go wrong. I wanted to be in the comfort of my own home, but, I knew we had a 45-60 minute drive! Faye came over, showed me a couple of things to get things going even more. So I’d do these things for a few minutes and rest (rest mainly between contractions).

At 930pm, I decided that it was time. I wanted to be 7cm when we got to the hospital (less time for me to “agree” to an epidural…closer to the finish line!) My contractions were starting to feel like they did when I got the epidural with Keaton (at 6cm) – which is what lead me to believe I was at 6cm or getting close! We called our second doula, Shanna, and she headed on over and our entourage headed to UNC hospital! On the ride to the hospital, my contractions went from roughly 5 minutes apart to 2-5 minutes apart (I won’t lie – at a few points, I thought we may not make it to UNC!)

We got to UNC and checked into triage and they started to monitor Benjamin and myself. I got checked and the nurse informed me I was at “a good 6cm” – woohoo!! They got me a room with a tub – something I waited ALL day to get into! – and started to get me hooked up to the monitors. After some time, I finally was able to get in the tub. As SOON as I sat down, the midwife came in and informed me that they weren’t getting a good read on Benjamin’s heartrate and were picking up some “decels” (decelerations in his heart rate). She informed me that they were going to break my water (NOT what I wanted) and do internal monitoring on Benjamin (also, NOT what I wanted!) I was very irritated, but knew the monitoring was for the best. I got out of the tub (not after demanding 5 more minutes and not getting that!) and headed back into my room. The nurse tried to find my veins to start a hep lock for an IV if one was needed – took her two VERY painful tries and then she went to get another nurse to help her out, she eventually “got” it.

My midwife went to break my water which took a good 5 minutes atleast and then found Benjamin’s head and inserted/started the internal monitoring. I was still “allowed” to get up and move around, but at this point, I was getting frustrated and didn’t feel up to it. Faye came over and reminded me that this was for mine AND Benjamin’s good, birth’s don’t always go the exact way we planned, but it’s more likely to go as planned with the internal monitoring.

I continued to labor and after some time I was checked again and was told that I was “9 and a lip” (basically just about a 10) and if I felt the urge to push, I could GENTLY do so to get around the lip. I’d been having that urge for a VERY long time so it was nice to be “allowed” to!

The urge to push was much more extreme by this point and this is when I really began to doubt myself. Faye was very encouraging in “teaching” me how to get through these rough contractions. She continued to remind me of my goal and how close I was to holding our sweet boy! I would be lying if the thought of another c-section didn’t sound AMAZING at this point! I didn’t voice that concern and had to work really hard to push it out of my mind – I knew it was too late for an epidural and my only two ways out of this pain were a c-section or pushing this guy out!

That’s when things started to get scary. Benjamin’s heart rate began to drop during the contractions when I was pushing – the same point Keaton’s did. I was really getting discouraged by this point. It didn’t help that the Attending OB was standing right there witnessing this (I could see dollar signs in her eyes as she was picturing my c-section!) ((The attending was there because the midwife had another patient who was pushing before me. She left to be with her and said she would return as soon as that baby was born – turns out, both our babies were born at the exact same time!))

I got on my side to push, then to my other side. After about 30 minutes of this and his heart rate continuing to drop, they told me my last resort was on hands and knees and oxygen between contractions. As soon as this position/method started, I was wishing for more rest. If I didn’t need the oxygen, I could have relaxed a bit between contractions, but unfortunately, I had to continue to hold myself up with one hand and the mask with the other (I did have help from Zach, Faye & Shanna in holding myself, but things would have gotten worse if someone was forcing that mask against my face!) Shortly after being on my hands and knees, Benjamin started crowning and everyone yelling that they could see him encouraged me to press through!

However, at 3am, I was really starting to get tired. Also, hearing his heart rate drop in between contractions and take some time to rise again was not encouraging – I felt like I was doing something wrong to him by pushing. Shortly after 3, the attending said that I needed to get serious and get him out soon. I thought that I had been trying with all that was in me before, but when she said that, all I heard in my mind was, “Get him out NOW or it’s another c-section…” All I could think was how much I wanted to avoid that surgery, that recovery, those feelings/thoughts that still plague my mind…. I was screaming “GET OUT” in my head through the next contraction. For most of the contractions, I could get out 3-3.5 pushes (if there is such a thing as half!) For the last contraction, I got serious…5 pushes and then, before I could realize it, he was out & I heard his sweet screams!

I didn’t know what to do with myself once he was out! I just collapsed and tried to catch my breath and wrap my mind around what just happened (and what I just did!) I heard one of the nurses comment about his cord being wrapped around his neck twice (causing the “decels”). Zach said it had to have been loosely wrapped because when he came out, by the time he could realize he was here and look, there wasn’t anything around his neck.

I collapsed on the bed for a few minutes and then got some help turning over and finally got to see my sweet, sweet boy. It was so amazing to be able to see, touch and HOLD him immediately after birth (as opposed to stare at him from across the room for a couple hours, like I had to do with Keaton).

It was such a different experience than with Keaton. I’ve already had family, friends and nurses ask which way I’d do it again (natural, meds, vaginal, c-section) and without a doubt – natural vaginal – definitely. Zach gets a little scared when he hears that, but, he agrees this way was much better. It was amazing to work as a team together to bring this sweet guy into the world. With Keaton, after I got my epidural, I had to be told when I was having a contraction, Zach catnapped during my labor with Keaton because I didn’t need his help through the contractions, he didn’t know what to tell me while I pushed and then, even though it was an emergency situation with Keaton, he “sat there” during my c-section. This go round he was able to be so much more involved in every aspect (including me almost breaking his hand on that last contraction/pushes!) For me, it was great to have my husband right by my side encouraging me through it all, letting me know how close we were to seeing Benjamin, how awesome I was doing and be “there” for it all. He was able to cut Benjamin’s cord (last second decision!) and hand him to me. Granted, he’s been a lot more exhausted this go round (rightfully so!) but has been still, a huge help in my recovery (such a humbling time!)

Welcome Benjamin
Aug. 15, 2008, 3:25am
8lbs. 5oz.
21.25 in

— Terra Jones from The Jones Journey

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Baby Born

L and MA. What a ride, what a journey.

L, the day I ‘met’ you online, I coveted becoming your doula. You were full of passion, a desire for a healing birth, and an aura of strength and wisdom that I did not often see in my mommas.

You had previously had a cesarean with Tri-boy, and were convinced that your body could do it itself. You were heart-set on a healing birth to reclaim your body’s ability and power. You were preparing for a natural birth. I wanted to support you in making it possible. So, I prayed I would be chosen.

When I initially met with you both, I was worried that I would be considered ‘too young’, as often I have been told. I was relieved, when, instead you gave me a call and told me that you would love for me to be your doula.

From that point on, I had the privilege of working with you on your birth plan (you had it in the bag), creating a positive birth story to complete your bad birth dreams, and simply prepare for the birth of your little one.

I was sure that you were going to be in labor on September 22nd. When that day came and went, I was astounded. You had been ‘labor ready’ for a long time by this point. You had a few bouts of start and stop labor, which urged me to recommend that you try the knee to chest position as often as possible. On September 23rd, you had quite a bit of loose stool and cramping. The following day, you had no action; and the next day, still no action.

I was encouraged and believed your baby had turned from a posterior position into an optimal positioning because she was giving you signs of labor and then a rest, a time to regain energy and prepare for birth. This was confirmed when, around 2am on September 26th, you called to let me know that you had been timing contractions and believed them to be the real thing as they were around 10 minutes apart.

I got up and put my doula bag and ball in the car and got myself ready for a nice long labor night. Shortly after your initial phone call, I received a second call from MA that he was up and thought it time I head on over. I met you at your home around 3am. You were on your hands and knees and working with your body by swaying your hips from side to side during contractions, only to sit back on your haunches between them.

Tri-boy was already gone to your grandmothers and MA was brewing coffee. You let me know that you were timing the contractions around 7 minutes apart. You also let me know that you were experiencing quite a bit of back and butt pressure, so I encouraged you to use the birthing ball to support your upper body weight. After watching you through a few contractions, I noted that your contractions were down to around 2-3 minutes apart.

Putting counter-pressure on your sacrum, I encouraged you with verbal affirmations while MA gauged your progress on how soon he wanted us to leave for the hospital.
A little after 4 am, MA and you decided that it was time to move to the hospital. I agreed with your contractions being about 2 minutes apart and your pressure moving lower. We arrived at the hospital around 4:30 and you signed the necessary paperwork while on all fours, leaning over the birthing ball, and vocalizing through contractions. After you were signed in, they checked you in the OR and you were found to be 7cm dilated. With the fetal monitors strapped on, leaning over the birthing ball, on the bed, you worked through your contractions while vocalizing. MA rubbed your back and I continued pressure on your buttocks while sneaking in a few pictures in-between.

You were settled into your room a little after 5am and you soon began to feel slightly pushy. Throughout it all, MA provided verbal encouragement, relieved my hands temporarily from my vigil on your posterior, and provided sips of water and back rubs.

You remained in the all-fours position and were found to be 10cm with only a little lip of cervix left. We alternated knees in a modified asymmetrical positioning to get the lip gone. It only took 2 contractions and soon you were grunty-pushing your baby down. Your body was truly designed for birth as your pushes moved her down so efficiently. Watching you throughout your labor was beautiful. You were so in tune with your body’s cues, doing exactly what it urged you to do, moment by moment.

Doctor Reynolds arrived in time to see baby’s head appearing. She encouraged you to turn around as her fetal heart tones were decreasing and to increase your urges to push her out more efficiently. On turning around into a classic position, you began really bearing down with each contraction, and her head quickly came to crowning. As her heart rate was remaining quite low even between contractions, she recommended an episiotomy. With the very next contraction, her head was born.

Before the next wave came, she began to grimace and cry, and her shoulders slipped free of your body. She had thick meconium at birth, so they whisked your wee one away to the warmers, but she returned to MA’s arms and then yours, in just a few moments.

L – Your body was strong, beautiful, and efficient – working together as a team, your body and your baby brought her into the world. You were right you “could do this” – you had your healing birth and what a beautiful birth it was!

Baby Born – Born September 26, 2007, at 6:22am
7lbs 14oz, 20 inches long

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