Kim Through The Looking GlassKim is an online

Kim is an online friend of mine and the story below is her 2nd child’s birth story. 🙂

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Here follows the birth story of our son, Gil. If you don’t enjoy reading the more graphic details of birth, I’d suggest not reading it 🙂

Birth Story of William Farrell Schellingerhoudt

I woke up on Friday, February 19, 2010 with mild contractions that were beginning to move around into my back. I’d been having strong Braxton-Hicks quite frequently for a week and was wondering if, since I was feeling these in my back, this was finally it. I timed them for an hour (7AM – 8AM) laying in bed (Brad was getting ready for work and had Gwen with him), and they were around 4 – 5 minutes apart.

I got up to chat with Brad and suggested that it might be baby day. Once I was standing up, they increased in frequency to every 2 – 3 minutes, although they were not very painful and were quite short – around 30 seconds each. I was needing to either walk, bounce, or circle my hips through them. Since they were so close together, we decided to call my mom to come take care of Gwen and page my midwife.

B, my secondary midwife, arrived at around 8:30, took my blood pressure, listened to Love Bug, and did a urine dip. Everything was going well – except that she had another mom in labour! My primary, A, was scheduled to be off that day but with two moms in labour, decided to cone be with me with her student, O. They arrived shortly after my mom at around 9:30AM.

At this point, the contractions were still short and close together and I was still able to talk through most of them. Spirits were high and we were having a baby! A suggested checking me, just so we could get a baseline for where I was and I reluctantly agreed. Sadly, my cervix was only 3 cm dilated and still 1 cm thick and it was VERY posterior. In fact, Love Bug’s head was significantly below my cervix, which was tucked way up in rear of the head! A was concerned that since the head was not applying good pressure, it might take a while for me to progress, but that once my cervix was forward, things were going to go FAST. We discussed options – breaking my water, a stretch-and-sweep and doing nothing. I agreed to a stretch-and-sweep and to another vaginal exam after an hour to see if there was any change.

I began to get more crampy and the contractions picked up a little bit and became stronger for a while, and then began to space out again. They went to every 5 minutes, then 7, then O timed some at 10 minutes apart. I walked the stairs (17 steps!) and my mom took Gwen out for a walk and then to the mall. We gave it 2 hours before re-checking my cervix and there was no change – other than that my cervix was now only 0.5 cm thick. Baby’s heartrate was great., so we decided to not label it as labour, since that definition would require cervical change. A decided to stay close by at thhe clinic – which is just a ten minute walk from my house – and to check in on us at 4PM. It was noon.

After they left, I felt so defeated! I cried and told Brad that were never going to have this baby and that I didn’t want to deal with these contractions forever! I consulted a doula friend who happened to be online about what I could do to get baby’s head well applied to the cervix. She suggested that ineffective contractions likely meant malpositioning and that I should have a bath and a rest – alternating which side I was laying on every so often. She also suggested nursing lots (but Gwen was gone) and having an orgasm (um, no).

I headed up to have a bath, purposefully ignoring the clock and not timing contractions. I had several while in the bath and they were getting increasingly more difficult to deal with while laying down mostly on my back. Brad got me a snack – cheese and crackers and an apple – and I got out of the bath around 1PM. We decided to try for a nap, but I definitely couldn’t sleep through the contractions, which Brad was beginning to help me through by applying counterpressure. I was breathing heavily through them, rocking my hips and was definitely not able to talk anymore! We got up around 2PM to time the contractions and call people. It took a while to get downstairs because when I stood up the contractions were so close together! Once downstairs, Brad opened the laptop and began timing the contractions with an online tool, then paged A and called my mom – putting her on stand-by to come home. A called back and spoke to Brad, heard us work through a contraction (I was moaning through them at this point), then talked to me. I was afraid to have them come in case my contractions spaced out again, but she said she thought I was working hard and that she’d finish up and be at our place by 3PM.

Brad wanted to get the pool ready, but with hard contractions lasting at least a minute each, 2-3 minutes apart, I needed his help more than I needed the pool! With each contraction, I woulud moan for Brad, he would apply counterpressure and I would rock my hips and, breathing in and moaning out in low, guttural tones. Brad called my mom again and told her to come home and take Gwen upstairs, that we were definitely having this baby soon.

A arrived at 3PM, readied a few things, listened to baby’s heartrate – still wonderful! – and did a vaginal exam. “Good news!” She said, “You’re at a seven, my friend! With lots of bloody show!” Just then, I felt another wave about to hit and I cried that I couldn’t do it on my back. I rolled to the side and cried my way through the contraction, rocking my hips as best I could, moaning in a high frequency, with Brad pressing on my back as best he could. I laid on the floor recovering for a moment before draping myself over the couch again. It was 3:05PM.

During the next few contractions, I remember clearly joking – “I can’t believe this morning I wanted this to happen!” before another wave gripped me.

Another few contractions later, I moaned that the pressure was constant and almost overwhelming. With the next contraction, I felt my body bearing down and I yelled, “I’m pushing!” A calmly asked if I felt that I could pant through them for a bit until the secondary, E, arrived and I said no. She then moved in to support me while I pushed – saying that baby had moved right down and we would have a baby within five minutes. With the next contraction, my water broke as I pushed, E arrived and dove right in. Brad stood over me and next to me until he had to get the hot water bottle to warm the baby’s pack.

I don’t remember much of pushing, but it was literally only a few minutes and a few contractions – and what felt like a LOT of screaming! Brad at one point directed me to use deep sounds and I remember snapping “I don’t want to use deep sounds!” I remember many of the sensations of him coming out of me in rather vivid detail, although I can’t quite put those sensations into words.

I was dreading the sensation of the ring of fire, but my body was pushing without much help from me. Love Bug’s head was soon out and A told me I could reach down and feel the head. It was amazing to feel it outside my body – all warm and wet and alive. “There’s a head!” I cried, “My baby’s head!” Just afterward, A and E both began coaching me to get the body out quickly – they hadn’t said, but the cord was wrapped tightly around the neck and they’d had to clamp and cut it right away. Love Bug’s body slid out after a few big pushes and E whisked him/her away to suction out its mouth – my water had broken a second time while baby descended quickly and they were concerned about all the amniotic fluid in its mouth. “I got a glimpse! It’s definitely a boy!” Brad announced. “A boy!” I rejoiced, after which I just kept repeating, “I want my baby. Give me my baby.” A called out the time of birth – 3:23PM.

E brought him over to me and placed him on my chest, covering us with a blanket. Just then, my mom came in the house with Gwen – they’d literally missed the birth by a minute! I gazed down at my newborn son and kissed him, welcoming him to the world.

He was taken again, quickly, to give him a bit of oxygen while I pushed out the placenta and A examined it, Gwen sitting on Brad’s lap beside me. A good, healthy placenta, which actually had some calcifications – he was maybe a bit overdue! I had a few internal ’skid marks’ and one external cut, but no lacerations and no need for stittches – an intact perineum afer such a quick birth! I nursed him about 20 minutes after the birth when he was awake and alert, and he latched on like a champ (drat those little fists and arms!) and nursed beautifully.

A stayed until around 6PM to monitor Gil and I and then said her farewells – she would be back around 9AM the next morning.

My dad arrived about an hour after the birth and a few hours later, we were all eating Swiss Chalet for dinner! Homebirth is such fun 🙂

What an experience! While we were expecting a quick labour after my first had gone relatively quickly and by the book, we were NOT anticipating the ‘pause’ in labour that I experienced, nor were we anticipating me progressing from 3cm to baby in less than 3 hours – or 7cm to baby in 17 minutes! I felt like with my labour with Gwen, I was able to get into a rhythm and change my strategy as the contractions got longer, stronger, and closer together. With this labour, I felt very out of control. I suppose that’s because it was very fast and I still needed to move through each stage – but each change in contractions, each emotional signpost was that much more heightened because of how quickly it happened – I never had a chance to get into a rhythm. Brad says I was amazing and that I didn’t act significantly differently than I did with Gwen – he said some of my vocalizations were louder and higher pitched, but that with the intensity, it didn’t seem inappropriate!

I really felt mostly shell-shocked after the birth. After the disappointment of the morning, I’d honestly expected to not have a baby until that evening or even overnight, so having him come so quickly was … I don’t even have a word for it. I didn’t feel ready for it – even though I’d felt ready that morning. Obviously, when it comes down to it, I’d rather not deal with labour for longer than absolutely necessary, but 2.5 hours was just CRAZY!

Although I’m glad that my mom and Gwen weren’t in the room for the birth – I really think the intensity would have scared BOTH of them! – I’m sad that they missed it.

Voila! Welcome to the world, William Farrell Schellingerhoudt – all 6lbs 12oz and 20 inches of you!

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Birth Without Pain

I got pregnant for my fifth baby when my son was just four months old, and I had not yet resumed my periods, so I wasn’t sure exactly when to expect the baby. I wasn’t happy about being pregnant and seriously considered termination. I went to a clinic seeking an abortion and left without one, having seen my child’s tiny beating heart on the ultrasound screen. The clinic was very understanding and did not try to convince me to terminate. They gave me resources for parenting and adoption, along with a big bottle of prenatal vitamins and a shiny, grainy picture of my unborn baby, with a due date of October 7, 2009.

My first four babies had been induced in the hospital. I had felt that all control had been wrenched from me the minute I hired the obstetrician. So I decided that since I couldn’t plan the pregnancy, I was going to plan the birth. I was going to do it my way, no matter what anyone else said.

So I hired my wonderful midwife when I was in the beginning of my second trimester. At my first appointment she examined me thoroughly and changed my due date. She believed the baby would come around the 19th, not the 7th.

Fast forward to October 2009. The birth kit was assembled, the baby clothes were folded, the diapers were washed and stacked. Even though I had not had a 20 week ultrasound, I just knew my baby was going to be a girl. I didn’t wash or prepare anything blue, because I knew I was having a girl. I chose a white kimono, white diaper cover, and a tiny pink hat for the birth kit. And then I waited.

As the due date drew closer, I became more and more anxious. I strongly felt that the baby would come quickly, and I was terrified that my husband, who worked second shift, wouldn’t make it home when it was time. I had strong, regular contractions starting around 37 weeks. With each contraction, I practiced complete perineal relaxation – like a reverse Kegel. These constant contractions were so tiring, and put me on edge, waiting for “the real deal.” I worried that I wouldn’t know when labor really started, and that once I realized what was going on, it would be too late, and I would deliver unassisted.

So in the days before the birth, my husband stayed home from work. We spent those days arranging our home (we had just moved a month or so before) and going for long drives in the country. I continued to have contractions regularly, and I continued to practice complete relaxation of my belly and groin. I took lots of warm baths and talked to my online friends, complaining that my baby would never be born.

A week after my due date, I saw my midwife because I didn’t feel well. She asked if perhaps I should see a doctor, and I said no. I didn’t feel sick, I just didn’t feel good either. I felt strange. I asked for a cervical examination and was surprised to learn that I was dilated to 5 centimeters and nearly 100% effaced, with my waters bulging. The baby was very low, but not “dropped,” he or she could still easily move up and away from the birth canal.

The next  day, October 27th,  dawned bright and sunny. This was such a welcome relief after weeks of endless dreariness and rain. The autumn leaves were bright in the sunshine, and as I lay in bed looking out the window, I rubbed my belly, asking the baby to please come out and see the beautiful world. When I got out of bed, I felt an odd shift downward, and I could tell that the baby had “dropped.” This was a surprising sensation – I had never felt that with my other children. I used the bathroom and had copious amounts of pink mucusy show. I knew in my heart that today would be my baby’s birthday, but I didn’t tell anyone. It felt like a delicious secret between me and the baby

We went to the fabric store and I bought material to make the baby a hat. I remember riding home,  feeling that the world was beautiful and life was beautiful and everything was amazingly perfect.

Around seven that evening, my grandma called to see if there was any progress.  I told her that I wasn’t sure, but I definitely wasn’t in any pain, so probably not tonight. I was starting to feel a little discouraged, because I had been so sure that the baby would be coming. All of my other babies, having been induced, had been born in the early afternoon. I assumed that this fifth baby would be the same, and so when evening rolled around and no baby arrived, I was disappointed and restless.

I decided there was nothing to do but have a snack and go to bed. I got in bed really, early, around 8:30pm, and watched a game show. I remember feeling contractions every two or three minutes, but they never felt painful. They felt tight and hard, and I could feel my cervix sting as it stretched open, but it never really hurt.

My husband’s daughter from his first marriage called around that time, and he talked to her for awhile. Then he talked to his former wife about when their daughter would be visiting us. Around 9:00pm, I stood up and announced that if he didn’t get off the phone, I was leaving. “Here I am, having contractions, and you’re on the phone with your ex!”

My poor husband was caught completely off guard, because I had never made any noise or faces indicating that I was having contractions. He hurriedly got off the phone and followed me down to the bathroom, where I had started to run a bath. He thought we should call the midwife; I told him not to because it didn’t hurt. By this time I had started to vocalize at the very peak of my contractions, but not due to the pain. I was welcoming the contractions, observing the sensations and allowing myself to relax and truly feel my body open. My husband called the midwife.

She arrived around 9:45pm. Sometime between him calling and her arrival, I called my doula, but told her I wasn’t really sure. My contractions weren’t painful, so they couldn’t possibly be the real deal.

When the midwife got to my house, I was lying on my bed with my bottom in the air, instinctively. It just felt good to be in that position. Now the contractions were harder, but still not painful. If I laid on my back, my whole pelvis would start to ache, so I made sure not to lay on my back. I didn’t hear the midiwfe come in, but I smelled her perfume. She brought an air of calm to the environment that I hadn’t even realized was missing. She put her cool hands on my bare back and said, “This is it – it’s time for your baby to be born.”

She asked if she could check my cervix, and I agreed, so I rolled over onto my back. She checked me and found that my cervix was open 6 centimeters and 100% effaced. As she checked, my waters broke. It was such an odd sensation to feel them burst spontaneously; I had never experienced that with my four other children.

Suddenly, I jumped up and tucked my towel between my legs, and ran down the stairs. My poor midwife had to act fast – she grabbed her instruments and gloves and ran down the stairs after me. I got to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. It felt cold, and that felt really good. The midwife sat on the floor in front of me, gently touching my belly, and then sometimes touching my legs or hands with a firmer touch to help me stay connected.

It was now around 10:15pm. I sat on that toilet watching my belly arc up and then down, never feeling pain, but realizing that birth was imminent. My legs shook and my body started bearing down without my control; the muscles I was using felt very similar to throwing up. Suddenly, the midwife said “Stand up!” So I did, and out popped my baby’s head!!

Two minutes later the rest of the body slithered out – just in time for my husband to come into the bathroom! I didn’t even realize that he wasn’t there! I sat down and took my baby in my arms. The birth kit was upstairs, so we used regular towels to wipe the baby’s face. I didn’t think to check the gender, but a few moments later, my older girls (ages 8 and 5) came into the bathroom to see. They peeked between the legs and shouted joyously IT’S A BOY!!!

I was shocked that the baby was a boy; I was even more shocked when we weighed him a few minutes later and discovered that he weighed 10 pounds, 6 ounces.  The time of birth was 10:27pm – I can’t tell you when exactly labor began, but I can say that it was 100% painless from start to finish, and how unbelievably grateful I am that I chose not to terminate my beautiful son’s life.

– Rose, mama and doula, birth artist and breastfeeding activist

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Autumn Rain Birthing

Tendrils of dreams cling like tacky webbing to my mind, dusty purple and muddy yellow.

Inhaling, I turn to hold the warm body next to me against my chest.

I hear the melodic hum of notice. No more rest this night.

Even before pressing the phone to my ear, I can hear your breathing, deep and powerful. I offer a wordless murmur of acknowledgment.

Breath. It’s time. Sigh, then laughter like wind chimes. Come now, you say.

I smile, ok.

Pressing my lips against the neck of my lover, I whisper goodbye. He smiles and turns over.

As I move silently through the house, making ready for your birthing time, I hear the tappa tappa of rain begin it’s cadence on the roof…..

… Hand paused over your doorknob, I think of the silent shadows of hundreds of women around the world birthing with you. Quiet prayer, turning knob.

I shed my shoes in the entry, this is holy ground. Midwife whispers all is well, you have been asking for me.

I make my way to your room, following the sounds of low moaning and gentle rustling. Peppered in among the warm sounds of birth is a man’s voice, a lover’s murmuring.

Stopping at the door to your room, I lean against the frame – blushing at the intensity of his love, I watch your partner caress your belly while you lean back against him in the timeless dance of birth.

He sees me in the doorway and beckons me in with one hand. Sensing my gaze, you open your eyes, crookedly and bashfully grin, hi.

Joining you in the candlelight, we speak without words. Two women in the ancestry of motherhood.

Guiding my hands around your swollen and glistening abdomen, you draw another wave from your womb.

You lock your hands around your lovers neck. He draws a deep breath from your hair and begins to slowly sway, running his fingertips across your breasts and shoulders.

Softly roving my fingers in miniature spirals, I feel the contraction of your womb expand through your soul and your head begins to rock from side to side. Moans ripple from your lips as you bend your knees to embrace the strength of your work.

Drumming cadence echos from the roof as heaven opens its flood gates and distant rumblings beat out drums of deep remembrance.

We move in perfect synchrony. Space pulls in and we are solitude.

As a vapor, Midwife moves in and out, lovingly guiding, quietly listening. Following your lead as your expanses roll from your most inner parts to draw us closer. time stands still.

Water

Lower

Pressure

Lover

Lips and smiles, softened edges and deep intones

Lower

Powerful

Pressure

Present becomes as you keen at the crest of a wave. Crimson trail and a trickling stream traces a rivulet down your thigh. You drop gracefully to your knees, and we follow in adoration. Nestled between your lover and friend, you whisper, blessing.

Bodies rustle in the dim light and someone places a vial of oil in my open hand. Midwife softly breaths ancient tongues in lilting rhythms, the blessing of the womb is drawn in slippery syllables across your body, your temple.

In deep timbres, like honey and incense, a prayer drifts towards the rafters…

Dominus custodiet te Dominus protectio tua super manum dexteram tuam

In hushed worry, you whimper doubt into my throat. I lift your chin to see my eyes. Clear and promising. You look hesitant to Midwife, she is strong and smiling.

Sighing into the crook of lovers arms, releasing, you plant your earthen foot upon the ground and move forward. Timelessly, in the most ancient of positions, you press down toward terra firma.

Midwife presses, softly, on babies entrance. Soon.

Lover, his melody continues…

auxilium meum a Domino factore caeli et terrae

Glistening power crowns your brow as you grip my wrists, intently your eyes stare through me and your breath catches in the most primal of moments. Life water flows freely from you as your vessel tips to pour out this side of heaven.

The static crackling of anticipation hovering like a current through our bodies; I wait eager and breathless. We all fall silent as you reach a hand into the river.

Joy, tears, a moments rest. Then moving down once more.

Pressing like a silky soft pearl against taut ribbons of flesh, I can see new life. Your fingers flutter over his crown as you shake loose your other hand.

Your lover releases his hold on you while keeping his body pressed against you. My hands move to your feet while midwife guides your hands.

Surrounded, supported, this pearl becomes flesh, and the flesh becomes child. As you cradle his head, he opens his eyes.

A crooning, a candle flickers, and his shoulders slip free. Water and blood and baby, cascade in perfect harmony, as you wrap your child against your breast in triumphant shout.

The rain abruptly stops. Silence echos, adoring tears… a child’s first cry.

Welcome Caeli!

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