baby Aiden, 10/28/08

This is the birth of Aiden. Mom is a close friend of mine. Tues morning I went to a doc appt with her. She was 6 days post. Her doc gave her a cervical ripenor and they monitored her for 45 minutes and then sent her home. She was having some back pain by the time she got home. About 4 she calls me and is in alot of pain, all in her back. She said it sometimes came around to the front. I said, “are you telling me that you’re having pain that starts in the back and comes around to the front?” She said, “no, it’s only done that a couple of times.” I asked her if she wanted me to come over. She said no, that she was going to relax a little and then she had to go pick up her daughter. I told her we were going to a chiro appt and to call me back in about an hour, or if anything changes, we also talked a little relaxation breathing, that sort of thing.

She went up to her babies room, turned off all the lights, rubbed some lotion on her belly, and thought about her baby. She then realized that the pain she was having had started to come from the bottom and wrap around. She was having contractions, about 3 in 10 minutes. She called her friend to ride w/ her to pick her daughter, got home and told her hubby it was time to go. My family and I had went to our appt, and were in the walmart parking lot when her hubby called telling me it was time, they were in the parking garage of Memorial hospital. I tell my husband to go, he starts to turn right, I tell him to go left to Memorial, he says, “don’t you need your doula bag?” I told him to just get me there! This mother has a reputation of precipitous births.

I got to the hospital, at the desk on the baby floor I told them who I was looking for, I said, “I’m not sure if she’s in triage or what.” The lady behind the desk said, “Oh no, we sent that young lady straight to a birthing suite!” I was thinking that this wasn’t looking good…..I found her room and when I went in she was in a lot of pain, having hard, fast contractions. She didn’t want to be touched so I tried to talk her thru them, help her not to hold her breath or tense up too much.

When I got there I had to go the bathroom (lol) really bad, she went thru another contraction and I thought I had a second to run in there. I got to the other side of the bed and she had another one coming. They were even closer. When she got there at 6:05, she was between 5-6. She said something felt different and that she had to pee. They checked her again, she was between 7-8. Then she started to feel like she had to puke. I’m thinking that I can hardly believe it’s happening this fast again. We get her to the toilet where she get’s quiet and really relaxed for a couple of minutes. Something changes and she loudly tells us she needs to get back in the bed now, that he’s here!!”

They checked her, and said she just had a lip of cervix left. She starts saying she’s going to push. She said, “am I allowed??” She had never felt that urge w/ her 1st one. The doc wasn’t in the room yet, but the nurse said she had caught 38 babies. (!) The nurses told her to do whatever she had to do and were trying to get her into a better position and then the doc comes in. He has dad and I take a leg and push up, she pushes once, we see the head, she pushes again, the head is out, she pushes again and the body is out! All 9lbs, 5 oz of him. 🙂 She delivered at 6:35!! (never did get to go to the bathroom…)

This mother is such an amazing mom. She worked so hard staying healthy during her pregnancy. It was tough on her at the end because of how fast her 1st birth was, none of us knew what to expect this time around. But she did an awesome job of listening to her body and her instincts. All are healthy and breastfeeding happily:) Thank you for including me in this beautiful process again!

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The Birth of A

By far the most difficult and rewarding thing I’ve ever done was giving birth to A. Like most women in the U.S., I’d heard how painful birth is all my life, I’d seen on countless television shows women screaming through labor (and ultimately intervention,) and I’d been conditioned by just about every woman I knew who had given birth to embrace the epidural as an inevitable (and even desirable) part of the experience. When I gave birth to my first daughter, N, I went into the process largely uneducated on the subject, and while ideally I wanted to “go natural,” it was tucked away in the back of my mind as more of a lofty goal – a decision I’d make when I came to that point. Needless to say, after twenty-three hours of hard labor I caved out of sheer exhaustion when I was offered relief.

However… my experience was less than gratifying. I don’t know that I really had any definite expectations for my birthing experience (again, I was uneducated,) but I knew the experience I’d had wasn’t what I wanted. First was the issue of back pain I had as a result of my epidural. (I haven’t been able to have it medically confirmed, but when I sit for long periods of time I still get excruciating shocks of pain that emanate from the site where they inserted the needle in my back.) Second was the fact that I felt so far removed from the experience (I literally felt nothing from the waist down, and when it came time to push I wasn’t even sure I was doing anything) that when it was all over I felt almost apathetic towards my baby. So, when I found out I was pregnant with my second, I started to re-evaluate my choices.

Inevitably, I chose to give birth at a birthing center with a midwife.  My husband, D, was unconvinced (he harbored the typical daddy fears of “what if something happens in labor and we’re not at a hospital?”) It was important to me that we were both on the same page, so we went through genetic counseling (we both come from families where there could be some concern over birth defects, so we wanted to clear that hurdle before meeting with the midwife) and then took a tour of the birthing center. The center was beautiful, peaceful, and homey, with a spectacular lakeside view. Nancy, our midwife, was the paragon of strength and serenity; she inspired confidence with every word she spoke. D was a converted man after that first meeting – so much so that when we returned to the hospital (where N was born) for his emergency appendectomy last October, he kept repeating, “I’m so glad we’re not having our baby here.”

Choosing to go with a midwife in itself was an adventure; turns out that even though I live in an area that has one of the highest midwife-per-capita ratios in the nation it was still quite an unorthodox choice. One afternoon, just days before A’s birth, as D and I were in the checkout line of our local Target store with some last minute baby items, the cashier noted my (very pregnant) state and asked, “When are you due?” When I told her it could be any day, she asked, “Oh, are you delivering at (insert name of local hospital here) ?” When I answered that I would be using a midwife and delivering at a birthing center, the conversation abruptly fell flat. When I added that I would have chosen to birth at home were we not moving just 8 weeks later and currently living amid a sea of boxes, the cashier stared at me as if I’d just grown another head. As we walked to the parking lot D chuckled, “I just don’t think people know what to do with that information…”

Having one person attend to me all throughout labor and delivery (as opposed to a constantly changing staff of nurses and a 15-minute meet-and-greet with the doctor during the actual birth) was a refreshing change and an invaluable asset. I had the confidence of knowing that she knew exactly what was happening at every moment because she’d been there through it all, and had the experience of over 4,000 other births to rely on. I had the comfort of a familiar face to answer my questions and give advice when I wasn’t sure what to do, and I felt total freedom to move around however and whenever I wanted without feeling like I had to lie down to be monitored at every turn.

The ultimate payoff, however, was the birth itself. I will be honest and admit there was a (brief) moment during transition where I thought “I can’t do this!” and a rush of panic raced through my mind as I grappled with whether there’d still be time for me to get an epidural if I had D take me to the hospital. Interestingly enough though, just as quickly as that panic was there, it was gone. In that dark, panicky place, I found the strength to keep moving forward without fear, and when it came time to push, there was clarity and focus like I’ve never experienced before. I felt, undeniably and profoundly, that I was doing something incredibly important in partnership with the baby I was about to meet. I knew that as hard as I was working to birth her, and as difficult as the process had been for me, she was working just as hard to be born and had experienced the same challenges. We were working toward one of the most important goals either of us had ever experienced, and in the intensity of the moment, I felt elated and euphoric.

When I look at pictures of the births of both my girls now, there is a marked difference to me. I’m not exaggerating when I say that in the pictures of N I look pale – sickly, even. In the pictures of A’s birth, I am flushed, alive, glowing. To me, they represent the vastly different experience I had with each. Strangely, I wouldn’t change anything about either one – I know that the first experience was vital in my own personal journey; it raised questions in my mind that compelled me to research and educate myself (first about birth, then about many other issues surrounding parenting and health care.) I can state with assurance that I would be in a much different place today if my first experience hadn’t been what it was.

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Birthing Goddess: The Birth of N

Dear S and M,

N is snuggled in your arms as you rest in bed. M is seated next to you, kissing N on the head and whispering to him. I’m packing up my doula tools, and I can’t help but stop and admire you for a moment. I can’t help but be in awe of the power and determination that you showed me today.

Your labor was short, around 5 or 6 hours. Your determination was strong. Your essence was invincible. You knew exactly what to do to move your labor along and your baby down. You walked, squatted, lunged, and moaned deeply. Most of your labor you spent in labor land, hardly aware of the environment outside your inner body and conscious.

I have never seen a client dive so deeply into herself during labor as you did. People were chattering, asking you questions, talking loudly, and you didn’t notice them at all. You were able to reach inside yourself, to your essence, and focus entirely on each wave of sensations and the life inside of you, ready to come out.

People yelled Push, S! Push! But you didn’t hear. You were off somewhere, on your own, bringing your baby into this world the way you were born to do. And it worked beautifully. Soon you had N in your arms, latching him on perfectly, your eyes lit up and laughing as your words declared your love for him.

Today, I was in the presence of a Birthing Goddess. Thank you for reminding me of why I am a doula; for reminding me that women do have the power to bring life into this world not only without unnecessary interventions, but also with the power of their inner knowledge and intuition. I am honored to have had the privilege of witnessing your power.

Your birth reminded me of a long forgotten poem that I read once somewhere…

… an ancient river of blood
will flow on through me,
when it comes time to see my child free;
just like a river that opens to the sea,
I am gonna let my child flow right out of me…

Congratulations S and M. The three of you make a beautiful family!

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